Well in Utah terms Chris and I are an old married couple who have yet to have children. We get asked all the time when we are going to start having kids and I assure you that our abstinence from children is totally by choice.
I've never really thought of myself as a person that was baby hungry. Well things changed drastically this year around February. Chris was leaving for a weekend on a business trip and to spare you the details of his goodbye party, long story short I ended up forgetting to take one of my birth control pills while he was away. Well probably for the first time ever I was actually really sad when d-day hit. Ever since then Chris can testify that I've been more than baby hungry to the point of annoyance. It has only gotten worse as the year has gone on.
Does it seem to anyone else that the entire world is knocked up? Well to a very non-pregnant individual this seems to be the case. I can count WAY too many people including friends, family, and some of my favorite TV characters, who are either gonna pop, ready to pop, or have popped. This is very hard for the people, well mainly me, who are not pregnant. I found out a couple of weeks ago on the same weekend that two of my friends are pregnant. I LOST IT!!!! I literally cried for like an hour. There were mucous streams on my pillow and Chris seriously almost threw up.
Things have not gotten better. Our ward is a newly wed or nearly dead ward. Well most of the newly wed individuals have the MOST adorable babies on the face of the earth. Chris hates it because I always leave church talking non-stop about babies. Well last week was an exceptionally pathetic moment in my life. There was this little boy infront of us in sacrament and I was making him laugh. He was reaching for me and I put out my index finger and he wrapped his cute little chubby hand around my finger and I started crying!!!! Chris looked at the little boy, who was under 1, and said "great now look what you did!" (not in a mean way, it was funny it made me laugh and probably blow a snot bubble). I swear I scared the little boys mom to death. Hmmm creepy woman touching my baby and crying...not a good combination.
It was literally this precious. I think that the clouds parted at that exact moment!! I even believe that there were voices of angels and they were singing.....
Well I cried some more that night and Chris and I had a long talk about it. We are both so ready its sad and we can't do anything about it (well we could, but it would be totally irresponsible). I thought about it more and I hate waiting, but know that its the best thing for us right now (if I keep telling myself this I'll eventually believe it right?) If I were to graduate pregnant I wouldn't find a job because no dentist in his right mind would hire a pregnant hygienist, I wouldn't be able to pay off my enormous school loan, we would end up on the streets, get hepatitis and probably herpes and slowly die the most miserable death imaginable. So there you have it!!! Death and baby or $$$$$ and baby. I will chose the latter any day of the week......well it really depends on the day.
11 comments:
This totally shocks me! You are always talking about NOT wanting them. Chris and I have been trying to get prego since January and it's not happening. I get baby hungry in spirts though. I want them, then think about money and don't want them. Hold a baby, want one, think about no sleep, poop and throw-up, hold one, etc, etc. I do feel like everyone on earth is prego right now too! But I also have friends who have been trying for a year or two and still aren't prego. I always say that the man upstairs knows when we need them and it will happen then!
You really need to get the hell out of Utah. People nearly shit their pants when I tell them I'm married. Then they do shit their pants when I tell them I've been married for 6 years. Then they say "Please tell me you don't have kids yet". You have your whole life to have kids. Your life will seriously change after you have kids, and it's not all peaches and cream like all these Utahn's will make you think. I've seen it with my good friends and I'm seriously thankfull that I don't have any little Bibbers running around. Next time someone asks you when you are going to have kids tell them to have a couple more if they are worried about "replenishing the earth". Take a good long time to think about this and don't confuse outside pressure with your desires, as it is offen easy to confuse the two. Cori went through this exact same thing if you need a sounding board. Love you!!
i know exactly how you feel. i feel like you just said exactly how i feel
i agree with the 1st gril, the NIG man upstairs has his own plan for everyone (we are living proof)
i hope i wasn't of the ones who made you break down in tears but i understand if i was.
i love you and it will happen, and it will be PERFECT, i promise you that!!!!
Hepatits and herpes, huh? LOL :) I know how you feel... I try to convince myself that we don't want one right now, but every time I have my period I have to keep myself from having a mental breakdown. How sad is that?
FYI, there were about 3 girls in the other class that were pregnant while taking boards etc., and they all have jobs. Since you have to wait a few months for your license anyway. :) So.... it's possible! Oh, and my niece got pregnant within a few months of getting hired, and even if you are pregnant when hired, (just pretend you're really chubby) they can't hold it against you.
wow this comes as a complete shock to me
Ha, ha. This is me too. The other day I was looking at new pictures of my friends baby online, and completely out of nowhere started to sob. I didn't even feel that tears were coming, they just came completely unexpected. I wanted to be the woman in the pictures who looks totally exhausted, but happy, and having a proud papa holding his new child, and granparents with tears in their eyes.
We aren't "trying" either, because I don't think we are in the right situation to have a kid. So, I always feel a little pissed off when people who have no money, or home, or anything, and have been married like 6 seconds announce they are ready to have a baby and are pregnant! I always think, 'If I am not ready, why do you think you can have a baby now?! It's not fair!' Even though, really, they can have a baby whenever they want, and I could too (I think).
Sigh, anyway, then I always freak out and think, 'Oh my gosh! What if we struggle getting pregnant and I was on effin birth control this whole freaking time!!!'
Sorry to go off, your post just got me going. I am glad someone else feels the same way I do. :)
If I made you sad, I'm so sorry! I think you and Chris are going to be such amazing parents and you are intelligent enough to wait until the timing is right, which is wonderful. And, if it makes you feel better, there is no way you should want to get pregnant yet because going to school and needing to vomit all of the time would not go over so well...if that helps you see any light in the situation. Stay strong, missy moo, and you will be blessed with the joys of Motherhood sooner than it seems!
Courtney,
It is not just you! There are pregnant women and adorable newborn babies EVERYWHERE!!! It’s like they are stalking me! It is totally toying with my biological clock. I have never felt such strong emotions in my life!! Josh and I want kiddos so bad but know at this moment in time we just aren't financially able. It really sucks! BUT! I have found the cure to baby hunger! Find someone with an un-potty trained 2 or 2 ½ (even 3 if you can find one)year old and offer to babysit....
changing the poopy diaper of a 2 1/2 year old changes your mind pretty quick!!
Oh Courtney. Well if you ever need a shoulder to cry on I'm here for you. And in the mean time just enjoy your Chris time! And your YOU time because it ends once you have babies. Why don't you watch Lucie for a day she is the most adorable girl in the world but trust me after a day it is very TIRING. Or just trying watching me for a day I'm a real handful. I love you! And I know you can get through it. Eres una mujer muy fuerte!!Animo!
Dear Court,
I know how you feel. Just like the other non child having ladies that have already commented. I have done the same thing several times, getting my hopes up that this might be the time that one slips past the goalie and I get to be pregnant, then have to cry because my period came. Blah. It's terrible. Everybody says enjoy the time with your husband, but I have felt that need to have a baby and that reminder just makes me angry. I am enjoying the time with my husband, but I would like to add another one to enjoy time with. We were going to start trying to have a baby this summer and then I flipped out and got scared! And now I have three friends that are due at the same time that I wanted to be. Just to let you know.. you are not alone! Love to you!
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